about the one who knocks

It is an end of an era.  Sunday evenings will never be the same again.  Chris Hardwick will still grace the 10pm AMC slot, this time talking about the zombie apocalypse, but even he is hurting and going through Breaking Bad withdrawal when I caught him making a couple of Heisenberg references in a panel discussion about Walking Dead.

I was late to the party.  My sister begged me back in June to watch the premiere episode and let me decide based on that alone to commit to the show.  I binge watched 4 and a half seasons until the last available ep where Hank sits in the toilet holding Whitman’s Leaves of Grass reading Gale’s note to Walter White.

My knowledge of film and television critique is limited to classes I took in university (I studied Film) and countless of hours spent watching tv and movies… Breaking Bad undoubtedly is the best show on television.  It is.

There is not a weak link to be found in any part of this series. The writing, directing, editing, music, acting, cinematography, my God the cinematography!… I could go on and on. Creator and perfect Southern gentleman Vince Gilligan had such a unique vision for Breaking Bad, and it is exemplified throughout the show.  Each character evolution is magnificently written, creating a sense of tension which is escalated by the superb acting that each cast member brings to the table.

Every season delivers gut punching moments aided by Bryan Cranston’s masterful and dazzling portrayal of Walter White brilliantly morphing into the monstrous Heisenberg.  For every sympathetic moment, every time Walt saves Jesse, defends Hank or plays the benign paterfamilias, there is a moment of monstrosity.  Heisenberg’s tentacles keep unfurling, and we end up torn between the ordinary downtrodden man we first met and the drug kingpin sociopath we now know.

The brilliance that Gilligan delivers is our constant astonishment as to why we, as viewers, find deep in our hearts, that we still root for Walter White.  Throughout the entire series, he insists to his now chain smoking wife that he did it all in the name of family.  And we believe him.  Damnit.  (I wonder though if the show had been written from Jesse's point of view..would we still feel the same way for Mr. White?)

One of the most gut wrenching scenes in the Felina episode (series ender) shows Walt finally admitting to Skylar, 
“I did it for me...... And I was really-- I was alive."  
It is the line where he finally redeems himself and where Gilligan acknowledges that this story is not just about a chemistry teacher’s voyage into crystal meth production.  It’s a story of a man and his kick-ass midlife crisis. 

Apart from numerous technical and artistic awards, Breaking Bad has earned plaudits for its “uncannily accurate” depiction of the meth trade.  I don’t know if the local drug syndicates employ gifted chemists and crystallographers to manufacture their product, but scientific aptitude is the last thing one associates with meth-heads.  Toothlessness and bizarre behavior, yes, though they sometimes can be talented musical prodigies like Skinny Pete and Badger.  Oh wait.  They’re not real people. Ack!

Oh Saul, I will miss you the most.  

say his name.

empty chairs & empty tables

Death was some sort of a background music that threaded through my weekend.

It started on Friday morning when a friend and I had a psychological discussion about his fear of dying.  I have known about this for some time now but it was only during our talk that I understood how painfully consuming it could be for him.

Later that day I received the horrible news about the death of a friend back in Manila.  A gunman killed him outside his home.  It was painful and difficult to accept that I will never see him again.  I am still processing his death, crestfallen for the beautiful wife he left behind.

How can someone be so petrified of dying when it’s the death of people you love and care for that seems to be more frightening and agonizing?

My friend Mar and I saw Les Miserables on Saturday night.  I’ve read the book, seen 2 movie versions and experienced the musicale 3 times.  I know the story, the characters and Cameron Macintosh’s lyrics.  Almost everyone dies in the end.  No surprise there.

But when Eponine, the universal symbol of unrequited love, dies in Marius’ arms and in her last breath manages to utter that she is finally happy, sleeping in his arms at last.. How sad is that?  Is death a better alternative to a life of misery and despair? 

On Sunday night on Downton Abbey, Lady Sybil dies due to childbirth complications. I did not see that coming.  (Apologies for the spoiler to readers who have not started Season 3.) Why Downton creator Julian Fellows opted to kill off this beautiful character whose heart is full of love and kindness is a mystery to me.  And because I ridiculously involve myself with tv characters and plots, I grieved for her poor mother.

I was in 5^th grade when I was diagnosed with first stage Leukemia.  True story.  While my parents made heroic efforts to hide this from me, it was my sister, who casually told me while eating a bag of potato chips, that I was sick and was going to die soon. A normal 10 year old would most likely burst in tears and panic. I, however, did not get scared.  

I went to my room and I picked out my favorite dress. A lacey number with flowery prints.  I put it on, combed my hair and positioned myself on top of my bed.  I put my hands together over my belly and closed my eyes.  I pretended I was in a coffin and practiced being dead.

It seems macabre for a 10 year old.  I don’t know why I reacted the way I did.  I remember it with fondness, though, like a Wes Anderson movie.  But it is how I feel about death even to this day.  I am not terrified of it.  Maybe because deep down I believe in afterlife and I get to be the daughter of Remington Steele in my next life, the way I daydreamed as a kid every time I witnessed my parents fight.  Maybe death in my head was the portal to peace and happiness. Or  maybe because when I die I honestly think I’ll be able to fly, be a ghost and scare all those people who were mean to me.

Perhaps the way I am with relationships and airports is the same way I am with my own life.  I would rather be the one leaving.

dem beeg gehls..

I was up late Saturday night finishing the Noah’s Ark cake topper for the Baptism Cake due next Sunday.

On tv was Gabourey Sidibe hosting Saturday Night Live for the first time. Now when I heard about this gig, I felt nervous for the girl. Don’t get me wrong, being a big girl myself, I’m always thrilled to see plus-sized women in mainstream entertainment, and you can hear me chant ‘heavy people unite’ once in a while. 

I saw ‘Precious’ and marveled at how a woman with no acting training in her belt can portray this sad, riveting and unfortunate character on screen. Everytime I see her on tv, that amazing personality just never ceases to shine through in every single interview. But SNL? I do not question her abilities as a comedian, however, I was very skeptical about Seth Myers’ writing faculties to not use Gabby’s weight and looks as sources of a punchline.

Howard Stern received a lot of flak when he went on a tirade against Gabby and her weight. Extract the profanities and even the mention of death, and put the rest of his rant on paper. Next to it, place this photo of Gabby. You see any truth to his claim? You think this woman will never have a career? Come on! 

You don’t lash out on someone for her physical attributes and then disguise it as call of concern. That's effing bullshit.  I’m one for freedom of speech but he crossed the line by being vicious, mean and nasty. He was not exercising his rights, he was being a jackass. 

Back in SNL world..In the opening monologue, she practically convinces everyone that she is not the character she plays in Precious. She, in fact, boasts of a happy childhood, supportive parents and a joyful outlook on life. 

She then turns it into an all-out song and dance number. Was that a sight to see. The song is a little shaky and a tad pitchy. Her nerves are quite noticeable. But the bitch can dance. Oh can she ever. The skits were witty and surprisingly funny (again, since Seth took reign… I don’t know…). She killed every single one of them. I was very pleased to have her as company as I was building my ark. Not bad for a Saturday night.